Schroeder Wragg -- failed Warlock, failed Wizard, failed Private Detective, in fact without Maria he would be a total failure. The whole series exploded after a Super Nova in that region of space known to astronomers as, "The Bath Plug."
Author: Ridgeweld Fann de Belt
The Wragg Book Series
BIOGRAPHICAL NOTES
Biographical notes about Lord Ridgeweld Fann de Belt. He is the third son of Lord Michael O'Hanlon, who did not know he had fathered a child on Lady Grosse Smythe daughter of Marquis Fann de Belt of Little Mowling in the Waters. The reason for Lord Michael being ignorant that he had fathered a child was quite simple. Being of an adventurous nature at the time of the conception, Lord Michael was hanging by his thumbs from the branch of a Bag Bag tree and, judging by the attitude of the natives who had stuck him up there, he was very unlikely to survive the night. That of course did not stop his energetic lust for adventure and the art of finding every possible way of having sex, from impregnating Lady Grosse Smythe by the practice of Tantric Empheral Sex. She was in fact rather surprised as she was playing bridge with her Maiden Aunt and friends when it happened!
His Grace has become notorious for suggesting that human beings exist on a world that is completely round and not oval, thus going against all received scientific opinion that both the universes and the worlds within them are in fact oval or doughnut shaped. In fact, holding this opinion cut short his promising career as a scientist and cosmologist at the most senior of universities in the world. In fact Oxon and Cambries have denounced Lord Ridgeweld as a disgrace to the science of the Ordinaries and made them look foolish in the face of the Council of Warlocks.
FOREWORD
But it might also be part of the story. If you are from the planet Civilitatis then because of your ruler Ped Antix this forward will be part of the story and if you tried to argue otherwise you would find parts of you anatomy missing, especially those bits that are the most painful if removed without anaesthetic and also give you a great deal of enjoyment. Also you would be highly embarrassed because everyone looks like a startled turtle without their teeth. A ‘by the way’ – Magikal and other such words are spelt that way because the teachers of this world often did not dare to ‘c’ that their pupils had written the word wrongly. Had they done their own pupils would have been burned to crisp from the heat of a Super Nova.
Note, for the scientifically inclined who like explanations for the reasons as to why things are the way they are, even if those giving the answers have not really got a clue what they are talking about, but merely guessing. Of course we all know ‘Dark Matter’ exists, it is found by everyone who has to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night and forgets to put the light on. They are certain to damage their shins on some object that vanishes the moment a light is switched on or treat on a brush with its bristles up. This is known Medos Law and applies all dimensions. The object, or whatever, vanishes because it was actually Dark Matter and not any object that can exist in the presence of what we call light. So although they may think they have walked into the edge of the dressing table, they have in fact walked into a vagrant lump of Dark Matter. All Dark Matter hates living things on principle because when the creators were putting things together they forget to give Dark Matter the ability to breed or have any kind of fun on sunny islands, eat ice cream, pizzas or even go skiing.
The main planet of the this story is an oval one. It is like an egg in some ways but close to doughnut in others, as it has a hole where the yolk would be. It is possible to cross the hole to travel quickly from one part of the planet to the other, but only if you possess a luxury and high powered Yaguarofer Broomstick with the Nolfet bristles. This is very fast and powerful enough to escape the gravity of exerted by all parts of the planet round the hole. Everything entering the hole is pulled in every direction at once, several explorers have been found in bits, their legs on one side of the planet, arms body, head other bits scattered across several thousand miles of the outer – and living area – part of this world. The reason Ovality is Oval is because, although scientists haven’t yet noticed it, all the different universes are oval, like squashed doughnuts. This is because there are two giants arguing about who owns the whole lot and have attached large ropes, made of arcylylop.
This is a massively strong sinew – belonging to the Great Apes who inhabit the jungaloid asteroids and are attached by belts. It was discovered near the planet Halitosis-Gigantica, whose powerful aroma, should it ever escape, would destroy a galaxy quite easily. Many millions of these ropes are attached to every planet and every universe, and each giant keeps hauling on them. This accounts for the well known concept of the expanding universes. Of course, like elastic one day the arcylylop will snap, the giants will fall over backwards crushing any unknown universes behind them. More importantly for human beings, on the multitude of planets across the multifarious universes, is the unavoidable fact that they will be squashed as flat as a hedgehog by a ten ton truck. All of this is by way of telling anyone interested in science to wander off to the smallest room, sit down and wait for the inevitable whilst everyone else can get on and enjoy the story.
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